Wedding Ceremony Etiquette
SEATING FOR THE CEREMONY
The first pew on the left side of the church is usually reserved
for the bride's parents, while the right side is usually taken
by the groom's. (These directions are reversed for Conservative
and Orthodox Jewish weddings).
Relatives and other honored guests are seated in reserved
pews just behind the parents. Often these pews are ribboned off
and special cards may be issued to the guest who will be seated
there. To avoid confusion, the head usher should be given a list
of the guests who will be seated there.
WEDDING TIME CHART
There are many types of ceremonies and traditions and customs.
The following procedures are followed by the majority of brides,
but you must determine with your family and clergy what
procedures you will follow on your wedding day.
The following schedule is recommended for a large formal
wedding taking place about fifteen minutes away from the bride's
house.
Two hours before the ceremony, you should begin dressing
with your mother and your maid of Honor in assistance.
One hour before the ceremony, the bridesmaids - all fully
dressed - gather with their flowers and pose for pictures. This
allows you time to make sure everyone is properly dressed and
ready to be transported to the ceremony in a group.
Forty-five to sixty minutes before the ceremony, the
ushers arrive at the ceremony site and put on their
boutonnieres. They gather near the entrance to await the arrival
of the first guests.
Thirty minutes before the ceremony, the organist
begins the introductory music while the ushers escort guests to
their seats. Your friends and relatives are seated on the left
side of the church, your groom is on the right.
At this time, the groom and his best man arrive. This is
when the clergyman checks the marriage license, receives his fee
from the best man and issues last minute instruction he may find
necessary.
Ten minutes before the ceremony, your Maid of Honor,
bridesmaids, and other attendants arrive at the church, followed
by your mother, the groom's parents and other members of both
families. The bridal party and the parents wait in the vestibule
while the other relatives are seated.
Five minutes before the ceremony, the mother of the
groom is escorted to her seat in the first pew on the right side
of the aisle. The father of the groom follows a few feet behind
the usher escorting his wife, then takes his seat beside her.
You and your father arrive in a chauffeured limousine about this
time or stand inside at a back entrance of another room where
your guests won't see you. Your mother is escorted to her seat
in the front pew. If guests are still waiting at this time,
however, they should be seated first. The bride's mother is
always the last person seated by an usher. As she starts down
the aisle, you and your father join the waiting members of the
wedding party.
Just before the ceremony, two ushers walk in step to
the front of the aisle to lay the aisle ribbons and canvas. The
ribbons, used only at very formal weddings, remind guests to
stay in their places until the parents and other relatives have
been escorted out. At this time, the guests should all have been
seated and the candles lit. The ushers can now pull out the
runner if there is one. Care must be taken that the runner be
secure if one is used and not impair or in any way cause the
bridal party the chance of slipping.
THE PROCESSION
Everything is now set for the procession.
In Protestant services, the congregation stands as soon as
the wedding march begins, the clergyman enters and takes his
place at the front of the church. The groom and best man follow
him to a position just in front of the first, right-hand pew,
and all turn to watch the procession,
The ushers enter from the back of the church in pairs
according to height, followed by the bridesmaids. If there is an
odd usher or bridesmaid, the smallest attendant leads off first.
The maid or matron of honor comes next, followed by the ring
bearer, if there is one, and the flower girl. The pages, if any,
follow the bride, carrying her train. Catholic brides and grooms
may follow the same procedure. Jewish processions vary according
to local tradition, whether Orthodox, Conservative, or Reform
and according to the preference of the families.
In the simplest Reform service, the ushers lead the
procession in pairs, followed by the bridesmaids in pairs. The
groom comes down the aisle next, with his best man followed by
the maid of honor, the flower girl, if there is one, and the
bride on her father's right. The groom's parents and the bride's
mother may join in the procession and remain standing under the
chupa or canopy during the service. An elaborate procession may
be led by the rabbi and cantor, followed by the couples'
grandparents, the ushers, the bridesmaids, the best man, the
groom and his parents, the bride's honor attendants, her flower
girl(s), and the bride with her parents. Ask your rabbi how he
prefers to organize the procession, and take into account the
amount of space available for the wedding party to stand in.
ALTAR PROCEDURES
When the bridal party gets to the first rows of seats they can
form one of two alternate arrangements.
1. The ushers all turn right to form a diagonal line behind
the groom and best man. The bridesmaids do the same thing on the
left side.
2. Each pair of attendants separates going to each side
placing a groomsman and bridesmaid beside each other.
Children may stand through the ceremony or be seated in the
second or third row.
In the Protestant service, when you reach the altar where
your groom is waiting you leave your father's arm and take one
step forward. The groom steps forward and stands to your right.
Your father remains standing behind you until the minister asks,
"Who gives this woman to be married?" The bride is given away
because in early times she was looked on almost as chattel. Her
parents arranged her marriage, and she was literally given to
the groom. Today, the father walks his daughter to the altar and
give her in marriage as a sign of his approval of the union.
In most ceremonies, the father returns to his seat by your
mother as soon as he gives you away. In the Jewish ceremony, all
the parents may remain standing throughout.
If you are required to kneel or climb steps during the
ceremony, your groom usually takes your arm and helps you up and
down. When the ceremony is over and the clergyman has
congratulated you, your face veil (if you have one) is lifted by
your groom. The traditional kiss may follow, or you may simply
turn to face your guests. The maid of honor puts your bouquet in
your right hand and can arrange your train in preparation for
the recessional.
THE RECESSIONAL
When the organist begins the recessional music, you'll take the
groom s right arm and proceed up the aisle together. Your
attendants will follow you. Make sure you remind the groomsman
to go back and escort any grandmothers and mothers that are
seated in the front of the church!
Photographs normally follow the ceremony, once your guests
have left the church. If you are not having a receiving line, it
is recommended that you and the wedding party find a place (out
of your guests view) to wait until all your guests have left the
church. If you and your wedding party mill around in the lobby
of the church, you will get the equivalent of a receiving line,
whether you want it or not! Meet at the altar for portraits of
the wedding party and parents. A good professional photographer
will take no longer than 30 minutes.
THE RECEIVING LINE
In recent years, the trend for many brides is to omit the
receiving line and prefer to go around meeting their relatives
and friends during the reception. This is a more personal touch,
and doesn’t force your guests to stand in a long line. If you
feel that you really want a receiving line, it is recommended
that you do this at the church or ceremony location rather than
at the reception. The receiving line is normally formed at the
back of the church or stairway, and pictures are normally taken
immediately after the guests go through the line.
SPECIAL VARIATIONS
If your father has died, you may ask any relative or friend
to act as your escort. Sometimes the mother or groom walk the
bride down the aisle.
If your parents are divorced, your father can still give you
away. He does not need to sit with your mother.
If the church has two center aisles, it's customary to use
the left aisle for the procession, and the right aisle for the
recessional. However, in most cases, the bride uses the aisle
most convenient.
SEMIFORMAL WEDDINGS
Most formal wedding procedures also apply to semi-formal
Weddings. At smaller weddings, pew ribbons and aisle carpets are
usually omitted but I have seen very small weddings decorated
very pretty and charmingly elegant. Small weddings do not have
to be without charm and atmosphere and can be decorated very
effectively.
INFORMAL WEDDINGS
Guests at an informal affair seat themselves as soon as they
arrive. When it's time for the ceremony, you and the groom, maid
of honor, and the best man all take your appointed places in
front of the clergyman. At the end of the short ceremony, you
can turn and greet your guests.
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